it’s not about the painting

In her Gathering Room podcast, Martha Beck has been talking about how creativity can function as an antidote to anxiety. 

She’s written a book about it called Beyond Anxiety which comes out later this year. 

In any case, during a recent episode she talked about a recent trip to Australia and how she’s been trying ever since to capture a particular moment in a painting. 

She’s been a painter and a visual artist since she was a child. Apparently on the livestream of this episode (I was only listening), she showed the audience several drafts of the painting that she wasn’t satisfied with, each of which took her several hours. 

Then she said something that stopped me in my tracks. 

“Here’s the thing: it’s not about the painting,” she said. “It’s about painting.”

YES, I thought. Yes, yes, and yes. 

This is how I feel about writing. 

It’s not about the writing. It’s about writing. 

My writing practice isn’t about the book I produce. It’s about the person I become in order to write the book. 

(Martha went on to say that exact thing, which was hilarious: that it’s not about the painting she produces, but about who she becomes in order to produce the vision that’s in her mind.)

This is pure paradox. Because on the one hand, making art is about the process, not the product. But on the other hand, you have to be stretching yourself toward an ideal in your mind. You’re not just screwing around; you’re actively pushing yourself toward some ideal that’s almost too difficult for you to attain. 

It’s not about the writing. It’s about writing.